Last night's dream 11/08/09

Last night I dreamt that I finally got that pair of Loubouton's that I had been drooling over. The ones with the 4 inch heels that I convinced myself would somehow be not only easy to walk in but comfortable for two hours. "I can wear any shoe that is comfortable for two hours!" I convinced myself forcefully. But when they arrived they came in a size 9 instead of 6. I called the factory and they yelled a bunch of French at me and hung up. I then received a package in the mail. It was a foot stretcher and a manual about 3 inches thick in French. I did a bunch of "tsk" sounds and then I started typing a paragraph at a time into an automated translation website. The text was very philosophical and profound. But basically it said, "This is going to be painful but worth it. Many people will like you much better when you are in your Louboutin's than like you now. You will have a much more sparkling personality and you will delight people with your wit and charm. So get your feet into the excruciatingly painful stretchers and get to work!" So I sat on the couch with tears streaming down my cheeks as the stretchers worked their magic. It wasn't until after I had gotten up to an 8 that I realized none of my other shoes would ever fit again. Thank goodness I still hadn't bought the Prada's!

Last night's dream 11/07/09

Last night I dreamt that Rosebud, Nigel and I were going to the Gay Pride Festival. Rosebud had on a torn T-shirt that just said PRIDE on it in big black letters and a pair of really adorable black combat boots. Nigel had on pink Hello Kitty sneakers and a rainbow tutu. I had on a Xena warrior outfit for some reason. As is usual, the cats were walking upright. Rosebud had on her MP3 player and I could here Cheryl Crow blasting out of her ears. "You are going to go deaf young lady..." I started. "What?" she replied and I took the bait and said again, "You are going to..." then I saw her snickering. Nigel was humming YMCA and carrying one of his Q-Tip sticks with the fluffy ends removed.
"Why is the guy going to have a good time at the Y, Mom?" he asked.
"What honey?"
"The guy, Mom, the guy! The young man..."
"Oh, well, because he can find many ways to have a good time."
"Like what?"
"Well...honey...he can get himself clean and have a good meal..."
"Oh! I like a good meal, Mom!"
"Oh hon, I know you do..."
"What else can he do at the Y, Mommy?"
"He can make real his dreams."
"I want to make real MY dreams..."
"That's great Nigel! I wouldn't expect less from you."
"Mom, do YOU want to go to the Y and make real your dreams?"
And then I woke up. But the answers is yes. I would love to make real my dreams.

Last night's dream 11/02/09

Last night I once again dreamt I was making spaghetti. The pot was the size of a Volkswagen. It was over a big bonfire out in a parking lot. I had to climb up on a rickety old wooden ladder to get to the pot. First I filled it with water from a hose. I had to chase a couple of ducks off the water when they mistook it for a small pond. The water heated pretty quickly. I was pleasantly surprised by this and even remember thinking, "Well...that's a pleasant surprise! Must have been the salt." See I had been told by my Mom that salt will bring water to a boil more quickly than unsalted water. So I had thrown in a 5 lb. bag of salt when the pot was filling. Next I had to get the spaghetti in there. Now it was regular size so this was going to be the really hard part. How to get the spaghetti in there all at once so that it finished cooking at the same time. While the water was getting ready to boil I was frantically opening package after package of spaghetti. I asked Rosebud and Nigel to help but they just walked past me and Rosebud said, "I'm taking Nigel to the Ferris Wheel...you know we like to be up high." So I let them go realizing, "Oh, I'm cooking spaghetti for the folks at the Fair. Good enough!" Anyway, I'm opening all these packages of spaghetti and I'm putting the spaghetti on a sheet. I've got a big dumpster near me and I'm hefting the empty
packages into the dumpster and...I'm whistling. I'm whistling "In-A-Gada-da-vida", I'm doing a pretty righteous job of it, too! The sheet gets stacked higher and higher with this uncooked spaghetti and then I hear the water start to boil. I jump up on the rickety ladder and check and sure enough, these huge bubbles are coming to the surface and going "POP!". It was cool! I hurriedly climb back down the ladder and start to gather the four corners of the sheet together. I get it all together and man, that thing is packed with uncooked spaghetti! Then I climb up the ladder and heft the whole thing into the boiling pot of water. I only meant to throw in the pasta but the sheet got stuck and one thing led to another and it ended up in there too and what was I to do? So I got an oar and started stirring the spaghetti and I was able to fish out the sheet and it was all sticky with whatever it is that makes cooked pasta kind of slithery. I put the sheet off to the side and wipe my hands off on my apron and I look around but there's no clock and no timer and so I start counting thinking, "Well, that's okay, I can count for three minutes...al dente." So I'm counting away and the ducks try to come back and I have to fend them off with the oar and I lose count. Then I'm really mad. So I grab an oarful of the spaghetti and I throw it against an old barn and it sticks and I laugh and yell, "It's ready!"

Last night's dream 11/01/09

Last night I dreamt that I was in a white truck. The truck was "tricked out" so that the driver's seat was actually the passenger's seat turned sideways so that the entire truck drove down the road sideways. Needless to say this freaked out anyone else on the road. So I'm driving this truck down the road and before long many, many cop cars come along and not only siren up behind me but screech to a blasting halt in front of me blocking my path. Everyone is being very melodramatic and pulling guns...including, I realize with chagrin, me. I have what appears to be a pistol from probably a gunslinger and it is in my hands and it is pointed in the general direction of many a uniformed officer. I realize this is not my best action and think, "Why didn't I just get out my license and registration?!?!" I think, "Why don't I think before I act? What is it with this impulsive behavior? Is it really SERVING me?" and then I think, "No, it is not serving me and now I am in a pickle and the law is about to shoot many, many holes into me and all because of this dang truck." Then I sigh and I yell, "This here truck is loaded with explosives boys so I'd put those guns right the hell down if I was you!" and I think "Oh for heaven's sake! Am I NOT already in enough trouble? MUST I cause an even bigger ruckus?!?!?" The cops all look at each other waiting for someone in charge to make "the call" and tell them either to blast away at me or to "stand down". "Stand down!" some guy yells with authority and they do. Every one of those cops holsters their weapons and then they start milling around over by their cars because really, it's a small town not some cop TV show and they have never dealt with not only a truck driving sideways down the road but a loony with explosives. I think, "I don't really have explosives..." and then I glance in my rearview mirror and damn it! I do have a truck load of explosives. "Oh, for the love of....!" I think. Then I do a lot of "Tsk." noises because I can't think of anything else to do. "I had to go shoe shopping today, didn't I?" I think as if my desire for shoes was to blame for the strange truck, the cops, and the explosives. We spend about five minutes like that. Me in the cab going "Tsk. (pause) Tsk. (pause) Tsk, tsk." and the cops kind of milling around. I hear some scraps of conversation...they are mostly talking about some sports or Survivor or how uncomfortable their bulletproof vests are. "They are!" I think too and look down to find I am wearing one of the vests. I glance in the mirror again and I have on a COP baseball cap. I can't even recall the number of "Tsks" I make at this point. Then the passenger door is yanked open and Neil Diamond hops in. "Hey!" he says. "Hey, Neil." I say. "Don't get discouraged..." he says, "These things happen..." "Yeah...you're rig..." I begin and then, "No! No, Neil! They don't HAPPEN. Am I a COP? Am I not a cop?!?! Who's truck is this? Why am I driving it? Where is the shoe store anyway? I usually order online!" I look over and Neil is pointing a tazer at me. "You're a little out of control today young lady." he says and tazers the crap out of me.

Last night's dream 10/30/09

Last night I dreamt I was heading back to Bisbee. I was camping out as I went and it was taking a few weeks to get there. One day I was in a store and I found a little box that had other little boxes inside it. I decided to buy it. I carried it around the store and would set it down to look at other things and then pick it back up. I was very interested in one display--but now I can't remember what it was. I kept opening the box that I had decided to buy because I couldn't remember what was inside. At one point I opened it and one of the smaller boxes inside now had a dent in it. I said, "Tsk." I can't remember if I ever bought the box but the next thing I know I am outside in a field and getting ready to set up my tent. I set it up and crawl in and fall asleep. When I wake up I am laying on one of those camp blow up mattresses that is about an inch thick and about 2 feet wide. It is orange. There is no tent. I am just laying on that thing with a bath towel over me. I look around and all these hippies are waking up and crawling out of their tents. The next thing I know I am in a van, again headed for Bisbee. There is another woman in the back of the van with me and two women in the front of the van separated from us. The van stops and we all pile out and we are on the beach. I say, "What beach is this?" and Someone walking past says, "It's L.A.! Man! It's L.A.!" I open a magazine I have been carrying around. There is a contest in the magazine that is something like this...Jennifer Aniston has created a website and if you can catch her cruising her own website you win....something...I am not sure what the prize was...so I keep flipping through this magazine for clues and then I keep surfing the Internet on a computer that has magically appeared...then disappears and appears again. Now I have the magazine and am flipping around and this guy walks up and asks what I'm doing and I tell him about the contest and he obviously thinks it's the stupidest thing he's heard of. It turns out he's the husband of one of the women who was in the cab of the van. He's looking for her so that he can apologize. We walk up to a row of doors along the beach and he starts knocking turning to me and saying, "She's probably in one of these beauty parlors." He walks away from the door he has just banged on to bang on one about a half a block away. I am standing there when a woman comes to the door. I start to explain but she interrupts me to say, "They had a fight, huh?" I say, "Yeah, looks that way..." She tells me she is getting a dye job on her hair. "I'm tired of looking old..." She says. I say, "How old are you?" She replies, "95." I start to laugh..."Well, if there was any time to look old it would be at 95, wouldn't it?" Then I tell her, "You look like you are in your 60's...after the dye job they are going to start carding you again!" She likes this a lot and laughs and grabs my arm.

Last night's dream 10/26/09

Last night I dreamt that Rosebud, Nigel and I were doing an aerobics workout DVD. Rosebud was standing on her hind legs in black sneakers that she bent down and pressed a button on and they pumped up. She picked up the cutest tiny set of black barbells and then kind of gave me the hairy eyeball. I said, "Wait for your brother..." Nigel was still struggling to put on his pink sneakers and Rosebud finally dropped her dumb bells with a litttle clunk and put his sneakers on the right feet for him and then tied them and pushed their little button to pump them up for him. He leapt to his back feet and started walking around mewing pathetically. Rosebud hissed, "They're behind the chair..." and Nigel went behind the chair and found his even more adorable little pink barbells. They both stood in front of the screen waiting for me to hit the start button. I was on the couch with a festive alcoholic beverage in my hand. We were all ready to work out.

Last night's dream 10/25/09

Last night I dreamt that a deer with an owl on it's back came into the bedroom and laid down on the bed next to the cheetah with a buzzard on it's back which was cuddled up next to a monkey with a gull on it's back. On the other side of the bed was a dolphin with a blowfish on it's back and a cow with a heron on it's back. There was a wolf with a hummingbird on it's back and an elk with a chinchilla on it's back. Rosebud and Nigel were there too. I thought, "Man, I gotta get a king size bed or this is NEVER going to work! And who the hell is snoring?!?!?"