Last night's dream 1/10/10

Last night I dreamt that Nigel and I were walking down the street and Nigel was carrying a little bandanna wrapped bundle at the end of a little tree branch. He was running away and had asked me to walk with him for awhile until he got the hang of it.
His bundle included 9 Q-tip sticks, with the ends removed; a can of Friskies Chicken and Liver and one of Turkey and Cheese; a tinfoil ball to remember Rosebud by; and a picture of me with our address on the back in case he had second thoughts.
"Where are you going to go?" I asked casually.
"New Orleans."
"Why New Orleans little man?"
"I heard your Gal talking about it the other night and I want to go and help."
"Well, that's nice honey. But My Gal was there a few years ago, when the hurricane hit. It's been a few years."
"I think things are still pretty bad there Mom."
"You're probably right, Nigel."
"I need to go DO something Mommy. My life just can't be about chasing Q-Tip sticks and licking my deflated balls."
"Nigel!"
"Well, it's true! I want to ACCOMPLISH something Mommy!"
I sighed and realized that my inter species son had more of an idea of what he wanted to do with his life than I did. What had happened to my desire to DO SOMETHING with my life? When had it become days of undirected this and that? Time was wasting and I was wasting it.
"Mommy..."
"Yes Nigel."
"Is New Orleans far?"
"Yes boy. It's 1791.2 miles."
Now it was Nigel's turn to sigh and he looked worried.
"Hey Nige...how about if you come back home and next time we visit Grandma in Florida I will drop you off in New Orleans on the way."
"But Mom, I want to help now!"
"Okay, well, how about if you help me?"
"Oh Mommy, you don't need anyone's help."
"That's not true boy. I need your help."
"How?" he challenged.
And I was stumped again. I wanted to get the boy home. I wanted to help him find a purpose that could be served within the walls of the condo so that he'd be safe. But I didn't want to thwart his dreams. I didn't want to misdirect his passion to help others. Why was I at such a loss these days? Why didn't any path seem like the right one?
Suddenly I realized Jesus had joined us on the other side of Nigel and they were punching each other in the arm.
"Hey my Man! Going to New Orleans, huh?"
"Well, I was going to but it's really far Jesus and I..." and here Nigel started getting overwhelmed.
"No problemo, little buddy!" Jesus said and shot me a worried look.
"Oh crap!" I thought, "we're screwed."
"Dad has New Orleans covered!" lied Jesus, "Everything is groovy there now Nigel!" he continued in this high voice he uses when he's lying his ass off.
"It is?" Nigel looked up into Jesus' face wanting to trust him, as we all did.
"Sure, sure, sure!" continued the lying face of Jesus.
"I..." I started but Jesus shot me this I-will-turn-you-into-a-pear look and I shut up.
Jesus picked up Nigel and got very interested in what was in his bandanna sack. Then he suggested ice cream and suddenly we were headed towards Cold Stone and New Orleans was in the past.
While Nigel was attacking his vanilla and chicken and liver swirl cone I whispered to Jesus, "What the f..."
"What did you expect me to do? Tell the little guy New Orleans STILL looks like a bombed out village from WW2? That I had no idea what my old man was waiting for there? Did you WANT him to walk to New Orleans?!?!?"
"No...of course not."
Big sigh from me.
"He wants to help..." and I started to cry.
"Easy now sis..."
"He wants to help and I am a big lump of..."
"Your jealous of your son's desire to help?"
"No! Yes! Oh man. I'm lost! What should I do? Should I be in New Orleans helping to rebuild? Should I be in Bangladesh helping to feed the hungry? Should I be on an anti-whaling boat between a whale and a whaling ship? Should I be in NYC on the sidewalk expounding the virtues of single needle use to drug users? Should I be lobbying Washington to abolish Don't Ask Don't Tell? Should I be fighting against clitoridectomies on young girls in Asia and Africa? Should I be doling out food at the local food bank? Should I be..." and I dissolved into tears.
Nigel ran over.
"Mommy! Mommy!" and he turned to Jesus and shouted "What did you do to her?" and bit him on the hand then he leaped into my arms.
"Ow! Hey! You little son-of-a...!"
"Nigel!" I scolded but held him tight.
He struggled out of my grasp.
"You're okay right? Because I need to get back to my ice cream."
"Yes, yes. I'm okay. Well, I'm not...but go, go before it melts all over the sidewalk."
And all three of us looked over at his cone, thrown carelessly to the sidewalk when he thought I needed him.
"That's what you do." Jesus said. "That's all any of us do. We drop the cone and we go to the side of the ones we love. And for some those are strangers and for some they aren't. And for some they feed them and some they teach them and some they comfort them in other ways. I'm still searching for the way I need to do it. So are you El, that's all. Just remember, when the time is right, you'll drop the cone."