Oct. 16

Last night's dream...I dreamt I was wearing a hat. It looked like a 1940's type hat--cylindrical with a pinched in middle, a little something that could have been netting attached here and there. It doesn't matter what else I had on, but for the sake of accuracy--I had on a short sleeve black cashmere sweater and a black wool pencil skirt, black flats, probably Clark's.
I was walking down the street and when I got to the end of the town the hat wiggled a bit and crawled down the front of my sweater and leapt to the ground. It was a huge black spider. I opened my purse and took out a little saddle. I attached the saddle to the spider and though I had to pull my legs up to my chin, was able to hop on and ride out of town. At first we strolled...then I decided to give the little "clck, clck" sound that you give a horse and the spider went a little faster. I was digging this so I said, "Giddyup" and the spider went into a little trot. It was so great that with wild abandon I dug my spurs (now I had on black cowboy boots with spurs) into the side of the spider and yelled, "Heeyaw!" and that spider hit 90 if he was a day! I know this because I looked down and there was a little dashboard on the spider and the speedometer read "90". We were flying! It was a hoot! Eventually the spider slowed...due to the fact that there was a 25 mph sign by the side of the road indicating that we were coming into town. When we got a few blocks in the spider stopped, I hopped off, and the spider crawled back up me and settled onto my head, once again a fashionable hat. I walked a few blocks until I came to a bar. I went inside. On the one side of the bar was a beauty parlor set up. All the technicians were in pink smocks. There was a cowboy getting a blowdry in station 3 and another cowboy drinking a beer under a big beehive hairdryer. He was reading "Humor In Uniform" from a Reader's Digest and laughing his ass off. I went over to the bar and ordered a festive vodka infused drink. There was a cowboy at the bar looking really, really angry. Spit foaming at the corner of his mouth, muttering to himself. I asked the bartender, "What's up with him?" "Perm didn't take." was his repy. Suddenly Angry Cowboy pulls out his 6 shooter and shoots the technician in station 1. The music stops playing, everyone is silent. The door squeaks open and it's the dark haired main character from Hawaii 5-O. Angry Cowboy stands up and blurts, "It was me! I shot her. But it was self defense." The crowd begins to murmur and shake their heads in support. Hawaii 5-O guy says, "Get that body out of here!" and sits at the bar. He orders a whiskey sour. The music begins again, this time it is "Tiny Bubbles" with Don Ho. Now the beauty parlor technicians all have on leis and most of the cowboys have on grass hula skirts. I order another festive vodka drink and sip it slowly, looking around for some clue as to where I might really be. An old rugged cowboy walks up to me and says menacingly, "Nice hat!" The music stops, the blowdryers stop, the bar is silent. I touch the corner of the spider/hat gingerly and reply, "Well, thank you...it was my Mother's." Everyone gasps. "Like HELL!" the old rugged cowboy screams, "That was MY hat!" and he lurches towards me trying to grab the spider/hat from my head! Suddenly I have two guns in my hands and they are pointing at the old rugged cowboy and at the Hawaii 5-O guy and I say really slowly and really low, "Look, I don't want no trouble. I want to finish my festive vodka drink and then I want to walk out of here. You reach for my hat again and I'm going to..." "No need for all this drama!" says a voice and I turn to see Brad Pitt entering the bar followed by all his kids. Each of the kids has on a spider/hat. My spider/hat goes crazy and attacks all Brad Pitt's kid's spider/hats. My spider/hat is victorious. All the Brad Pitt kids are crying and Brad looks stunned. I murmur, "Amateur..." as I walk to the door. I take one last look at the bar, the hula skirts are laying around on the floor, the beauty parlor is dark and silent, all the cowboys are sipping their beers and examining their fingernails. Brad Pitt and his kids just stand there waiting for adoration, the Hawaii 5-O guy is crying into his whiskey sour. The piano player is playing the theme from Jaws. I walk about a block and the spider/hat jumps down. I take out the little saddle, put it on, and hop on. We ride off into the orange juice and cranberry sunset.