Last night's dream 12/02/09

Last night I dreamt that Jesus came over.
"What do you want to do Little E?" (he calls me Little E sometimes. Mostly its okay but sometimes its condescending and I get irked. On this occasion it was said in an affectionate tone so I was good with it.)
"Ummm...want to get soft tacos?" I suggested.
"Not hungry."
"Oh...well...we could go to happy hour somewhere..."
"Groovy, dude, groovy!" (He calls me dude sometimes too and that one does bugs me. I always want to point out that I'm a gal and that if anything I'm a dudette but he counters with the old doctor/doctorette and outdated actor/actress argument. So I just let him call me dude sometimes.)
So we headed to the local gay bar. First of all because it's Palm Springs and where else ya gonna go? And secondly because Jesus prefers gay bars. I'm not saying Jesus is gay! You want to know about Jesus' sexuality YOU ask him. I do think it's safe to reveal that when Jesus has had a couple of mojitos he loosens up and is a MAJOR flirt! He's good at it too! But, he KNOWS it. And that spoils it a little for me. He acts very innocent but, hey, he's the son of God so innocence gets trumped by the all-knowingness thing. He flirts with everybody! Everybody. Actually, he's kinda slutty. In a very spiritual way! Very spiritual. But also very slutty.
Anyway, we head to the gay bar and Jesus always does this other thing that bugs me. He produces the free drink chip. He just pulls it out of thin air. He hasn't purchased a drink previously to get the chip. I roll my eyes and mutter, "Tsk." But he always replies, "Loaves and fishes, baby, loaves and fishes."
So we're in the gay bar.
A bunch of guys come over and sort of swarm Jesus. It's that magnetism thing he has, the glowy aura around him is like a naked bulb to a bunch of moths. So these guys are laughing at his jokes and buying him drinks and a few are out and out mauling him and Jesus is in his glory! Well, not his, you know, Glory glory, but he's definitely eating up the attention. I even catch him batting his eyelashes.
I have the odd conversation about fashion or shoes or where to shop for thousand thread count sheets and sip my dirty martini. I have found myself in the pokey with Jesus more than once, so I usually keep an eye on him but tonight I got distracted by my own pondering and before I knew it there were words, loud words, being exchanged between a big bear and Jesus and a little bear was standing nearby looking both appalled and excited. "Oh crap!" I mutter and polish off my martini with a quick swig. Then I rush over hoping it isn't too late but Jesus had escalated. He always escalates. I don't know what it is about him but he seems to crave the drama. You'd think after what he's been through that a quiet evening at the local gay bar would be enough but with Jesus it never is! He likes to be in the spotlight and that's exactly where he was right at the moment. The entire bar had hushed and were staring with glee, pity, encouragement, or boredom (depending on age and history) at the bears and Jesus. I plow in, "Jesus, J!, Jesus, what's up dude?" (sometimes I call him dude back because I know he likes it.) "Don't call me dude!" he shrieks. Oh. It's going to be one of THOSE nights. I stand in front of the big bear and say, "Honey, believe me, he ain't worth getting your panties in a twist over. Let me buy you and your fella here..." and he breaks in "MY HUSBAND!" "Yeah, yeah, okay, you and your husband. That's so fucking cool! Wasn't prop 8 a fucking slap?" I say. One to get him interested in something else besides Jesus' bad behavior and two, I don't usually throw around the f word like that but in these situations I have found that (being five foot two) using a little foul language makes me seem taller. So I'm f-ing this and f-ing that and I order up a few drinks and Jesus is being comforted (Comforted!) but a young Asian, so he's distracted, and Jesus is murmuring something about Shintoism. The bears stalk off and I motion to Jesus that it's really time to go. He grabs hold of the Asian and they stroll out of the bar ahead of me. Jesus whispers to the Asian and the Asian laughs gently, with a hand over a little luscious mouth. Jesus comes over and says, "I'm going to do a bad thing! I'm going to ditch you, `k?" He asks all smirky perky. "`K!" I reply smirky perky back. Then he says, with complete sincerity, "Little E! You're the BEST!" And when Jesus compliments you like that, believe me, it lights you up like a Christmas tree! That's why I hang with Jesus. Even when he's smirky perky. It's a faith thing.