Last night's dream 12/17/09

Last night I dreamt that I was in the pokey AGAIN!!! It seems that through NO fault of my own I was involved in a sex scandal AGAIN. See, I was invited to go to this party that my friend said she thought I would find fun and funny. She was going with HER friend who had invited her with the same line and had added casually "...oh, and feel free to bring a guest." It turned out that SHE had been invited by a friend of hers with that exact same speech. So the night of the thing my friend calls and says she's sick. Not only that but that the friend that invited her--she's sick TOO. So this gal that invited the gal that invited my friend that invited me calls me and says in this deep voice edged with a tiny bit of danger "So...(long pause, more danger) YOU still wanna go?" And I'm nervous and DON'T want to go so I blurt out, "Hell YES, I still want to go!" So she picks me up in a Yugo and we head for this warehouse and I'm trying to think of sparkling conversation starters but I can't help peeking under her coat with my eyes every once in a while because I think I can see, but I'm not sure, but I think I can see something that looks like painted on vinyl. Liquid vinyl. And I'm thinking, "Is she wearing painted on LIQUID vinyl?!?! No. Could she be? OMG...OMG...I...she IS! It's got to be! I'm so not dressed right for this..." And I kinda peep down at my own outfit which is a pencil skirt and a black t-shirt and Keds. And I think despairingly, "I'm f*cking wearing KEDS?!?!?!" We finally arrive and the door person, who is wearing a leather outfit that looks a bit like those pajamas with the feet in them but is slightly more than skin tight and of paper-thin leather with little cutouts that you don't want to know where and with a mask over her face and these long Thailand dancer nail things on and I'm trying not to look at the nails or the cutouts or ANYTHING. I'm trying to act super cool and I'm losing it. And the door person murmurs, "Ooooohhhh Keds! You're going to want to head to the far, far back of the warehouse." and she laughs throatily. I have always wanted to laugh throatily but mine is more of a guttural aboriginal word kind of laugh. And now, NOW, it was more of a high pitched anxiety ridden giggle of massively embarrassing proportions. And the gal I came with, she says, "Isn't she tasty?!?!?" Meaning ME. Which I kinda liked that. I mean who doesn't like being referred to as "tasty"? But then I thought about where I was and about what that could really MEAN and I was between another giggle of hysteria and a full out scream of panic. I had to do quite a bit of self-talk. "Reeeeelaaaxxxx!" I cautioned. "Reeeellllaaaaaxxxxxxxx....it's JUST a party. It's JUST a new experience. It's not a big deal. It's a lark...It's a...." and my self-talk froze because in front of me was this drop dead gorgeous creature of, oh almost but not quite, 5' 10" and she was holding a trophy in her hand. And she wasn't wearing much but what she was wearing appeared to be silk and leather which my mind really couldn't quite ALLOW me to wrap around and then I thought, "Wrap around..." and I was lost. LOST! Lost to this world of--I didn't even know what but now I was thinking it might be a really, really good idea. REALLY GOOD. For me to find out. This gorgeous one. She hands the trophy to the door person and purrs, "Can you put this with my coat, please? I just won the contest for...oh...you know...JUST one of the contests..." she said this so casually and in my mind I'm screaming "WHAT?!?!? WHAT?!?!? What did you win FOR?!?!?" And I'm completely smitten by her face and her body and her leather and silk wispy pieces and she turns to me and smiles and I start to fall over. Luckily my Keds had traction and I kind of acted like there was a strong wind that had blown me a bit around and I straightened up and said in a cracked boy-coming-of-age voice, "I'm...uh...I'm...that is...I'M HEADING...to the uh...to the BACK of the...to the uh...(and here I look down at my feet and kind of point) heading to the KEDS portion of the warehouse." and I just reach out and take her arm and say, with just a smidgen more authority, "And...AND...and yoooouuuuu...are...uh...you...YOU (and here I try to keep from fainting and I clutch her arm a little tighter)...Youyou are coming with ME!" And to my amazement I start to stroll...yes, I'm together enough to STROLL towards the back of the warehouse and this creature, this apparition actually strolls with me and smiles at me and lets me actually TOUCH her arm. Now would have been the time to chat casually or maybe offer up some really great innuendo or even flirt openly but no. NO. NO. NO. I was pretty much back to being in a total state of P-A-N-I-C. I was sure this gal, this glorious gal was going to shirk me off her arm and laugh and say something like, "Keds! Ha!" and stroll away to the feather or leather or pleather or whips or whipped cream sections of the warehouse...but she didn't. She even kind of moved closer to me. I felt a heart attack preparing itself in my chest. I really just wanted to leave there and get this gal her coat and head to, I don't know, maybe Denny's. I wanted to find out if she liked decaf or regular coffee, I wanted to know if she preferred pancakes or waffles. I wanted to put some clothes on her so that I could take some clothes off her. I wanted to hear her snore...I wanted her to meet my Mom. I wanted to play Yahtzee with her. I wanted to... We reached the KEDS section of the warehouse. She looked down at me and smiled. I looked up at her and blushed.
"I don't know what to do now." I confessed.
"You don't?!?"
"I've never been to a Ked's party." I admitted.
She laughed..."Oh, you'll be fine."
I started, "But..."
"I'll go with you." she promised.
So I took a deep breath and was ready to part the curtains and find out what really happened in the Keds section when the doors burst open and we were raided. Someone mistakenly identified me as one of the organizers and with my management background from my old job in corporate America the police thought it made sense. So there I was. In the pokey. Smiling, smiling, smiling down at my keds.