December 28, 2007

Last night's dream...I dreamt that I was walking with Rosebud (my new Cornish Rex cat) down the street. She was on a little red leash that was just a piece of string and as I looked down at it I realized that it was the same string that my friend, Tom, had sent me year's ago with a little note that said, "Blessed by the Dalai Lama!" I began to wonder if that was in any way sacrilege but as I was in the middle of that thought I was distracted by a shop display of cheese. I looked up at the sign above the shop, it said, "HOUSE OF CHEESE" and then I looked at the display again. These huge wheels of blue veined cheese were flung around the window with what appeared to be millions of wedges littered amonst them. I thought that was the entire display until the elves started to appear and get to work. At the far left of the display window there was a little tunnel of cheese. Through the tunnel elves skipped in with pick axes and shovels and little wagons. They all had on striped stockings. Red and white or green and white or black and white. They all had on Lederhosen of green leather. And they all had on these funny little caps. They went to work on the cheese. The pick axe elves would hack off a chunk of Gouda and throw it over their shoulders and then the wagon elves would make a big show of picking up the chunk and loading it into the wagon then, when the wagon was full, they'd push the wagon back out the little tunnel. They'd be gone only an instant and then they'd return with their wagons empty and skip back over to where the shovelers and pick axers were working and do it all over again. I was mesmerized and so was my cat. As we stood watching I became aware of something odd...my reflection in the store window. I had on striped stockings, green Lederhosen, and a perky little cap. I thought, "ut oh..." and I looked down at Rosebud...she also had on green Lederhosen and a cap set at a jaunty angle. She didn't have on the stockings but it still made me nervous. She mewed at me. I said, "Come on, lets get going..." and we both started skipping down the street.

December 15, 2007

Last night's dream...Last night I dreamt that I was strolling down what appeared to be a street in London. The shop windows had crisps and tea and tea cups and English saddles, and fish and chips, and other "English" things in them and the air just felt British. I had on a black dress and a black coat and so at first I didn't notice but after a while I realized that I had a big hole in my torso. The hole went straight through me and was about the size of a hockey puck. I stuck my hand through it and wiggled my fingers. It disturbed me somewhat but not as much as you'd think. Since there was no pain or discomfort I decided to button my coat and continue with my walk. The sun was just about to set as I passed a park. All the trees took on that black look that they do just before the sun goes away. I love that time of day. There was a very slight moon in the sky and some birds were flying home. It was unusually quiet. A beautiful moment. Then I thought about the hole again and took a peek. It was still there. I decided to walk through a bit of the park...just on the edge...the streetlights started coming on and the shop keepers were coming out of their shops and locking up for the night. A few smiled or waved at me. I reached a part of town that was mostly homes with a little pub or shop on an occasional corner. I could hear distant laughter when a pub door would open and close behind a satisfied customer. I saw something shiny in the road up ahead. A big black taxi passed over the object and stopped to let someone out. I loitered a bit being drawn, as I am, to shiny objects. The taxi departed and the object glinted again in the light of a distant streetlamp. I looked up and down the street. It was deserted. I walked into the road and retrieved the object. It was a disk covered in clear Swarovski crystals. I flipped it over. Attached to the center of the disk was a little piece of paper with words typewritten in arial that said, "This side up". I opened my coat and sure enough the disk fit the hole in my torso perfectly. I checked twice to make sure "This side up" was side up. Once I had the disk secured I buttoned my coat and walked over to the pub on the corner for a little celebration drink.

December 5th, 2007

Last night's dream...I was on skis going down a really, really big mountain ski path. I had on a puffy white ski outfit, the skiis were white too, as were the poles. It was all white and I thought, "If I crash no one will find me in all this white." I had very little control and was at the mercy of fate. I kept trying to figure out a way to slow down or even stop. A way to change my direction so that instead of going straight down at a mind numbingly fast pace I might start going sideways and then maybe I could even do a little cross country skiing, which I had always wanted to try and have heard was quite relaxing. I continued to bomb down the very steep hill snow flying from my skiis in big fans of concern. I had poles but was holding them up slightly from the ground. "Do I tuck them under my arms like I've seen on TV? Or do I try to poke them, gently, into the ground which might start to slow me down? Or send me ass over tea kettle..." I was in a quandry. "What to do? What to do?" Then my mind wandered for awhile because I didn't want to have to make a decision at all. All the decisions seemed life threatening. Finally I quit daydreaming (about Brad Pitt!?!?!?) and brought my mind back to the problem at hand. "What are the pros?" I thought to myself. Then my mind went blank. "It's pretty!" I thought. "Yes, the snow is pretty, the air is crisp...my outfit is pretty cool looking even thought it makes me look puffy." I chewed on all this for awhile and then thought again..."What are the cons?" Then my mind filled with all the other things besides the fact that it was pretty and crisp and I had on a cool outfit. I sighed. A blue bird flew over to me from a tree and perched on my shoulder. I thought that was pretty cool. "Put your poles down." it whispered in my ear. I thought, "Wow, is this some kind of message from GOD?" I decided to TRUST and I put my poles down very gingerly into the snow. I immediately began to flip and skid and get tossed around unmercifully. Snow filled my mouth and nose, I gasped for air every time I thought my face was facing up out of the snow. I tumbled for what felt like forever. Finally I came to rest. A white body in a white snow bank. With little chance of survival. The blue bird laughed and laughed.

Dec. 4, 2007

Last night’s dream…I dreamt I was buying a plastic shopping bag from a guy on the street. He told me the price and I tried to hand him a quarter but he said it was 5 times too much and he wouldn’t take it. I turned to the guy next to me and asked if he had change and then I realized the absurdity of that and made the guy take the quarter for the bag.

Nov. 21, 2007

Last night's dream: I don't remember much but I do remember there was a clown, a pair of dice, a harmonium, I was wearing a corset and carrying a gun in one hand and a egg in the other and I was being followed by all the townspeople.

November 13, 2007

Last night's dream...I was walking the cats, Rumi and Tilc, on little leashes. Rumi kept turning to Tilc and saying, "Let's do the monkey walk...like on the Monkee's show...come on!" and Tilc would look away from her as if to say, "Dream on Sister...this boy don't do no monkey..." This went on for several minutes Rumi getting more insistent and Tilc ignoring her. It was sunset and the sky in Arizona was pink and blue and grey and just lovely. I saw something glittering in the road ahead and stopped to pick it up. It was a key. There was tape on the key and some words I couldn't make out. Then suddenly it was dark and the sky was filled to bursting with stars. Rumi and Tilc had vanished. I stood alone on the road. The wind picked up and I shivered. "Time to head for home." I thought and turned around to head back but suddenly realized I had no idea where I was. "I'm up high..." I thought, "I need to walk down..." and headed down the street towards a street light that seemed miles away. I began to hum the tune from THE SOUND OF MUSIC...the CLIMB EVERY MOUNTAIN song. then I suddenly burst out the words and as I looked down I saw that I was in nun attire. I looked around expecting to see Julie Andrews or the kids or someone from the movie but I was alone in the world. I realized that from my belt hung a magnifying glass and that I still had the key clutched in my hand. I held up the key and the magnifying glass and tried to make out the words but it was too dark. Suddenly there was a falling star and I quickly held up the key and the glass and read, "Key to your future...don't lose it." Then a big black bird swooped down and knocked the key from my hand...it rolled and clinked end over end and fell down a metal covered drain where I heard it bounce and knock against the sides of the drain until it landed with a gently "clink" a long ways away. The bird swooped back down and landed a few feet away from me. "Don't worry" she said, "There's always a plan B."

November 12

Last night's dream...I was walking through a grocery store looking for cake mix. Every aisle I went down had vegetables in some form...one aisle had canned, one had frozen, one had fresh, one had just pictures of vegetables that you could buy. I stopped a young pimply faced boy who was wearing a shirt with the grocery store name emblazoned across the back and a name tag. "Young man, I said, Where is the cake mix?" He looked at me like I was crazy and said, "I don't work here lady." I went to the front of the store where there was a convenient store map...I looked at it for a long time but it kept blinking and changing. The text on the map would shift really quickly. At one point I thought I saw CAKE MIX up in the left corner but by the time I shifted my eyes to that point in space it said SPINACH. I was getting very scared because I could not find the cake mix. I looked down and someone had loaded my cart with bell peppers, carrots, lettuce, bok choy, corn, squash, and tomatoes. I looked at the cart and something dawned on me, "Tomatoes are NOT a vegetable!" I shouted. "They are a fruit! HA HA!" I exclaimed. The other shoppers glanced over at me and then quickly glanced away. The cart sat there laden with vegetables. I looked down and realized I had a magic wand in my left hand. I had on a little fairy costume with diaphanous wings and a small frilly skirt. I waved the wand. Nothing happened. I waved it again. Still nothing. I pointed it at the cart and waved it. Nothing. I pointed it at a little old lady and her shopping cart. Nothing. "Stupid wand." I muttered. "It's just a prop. It's not real." said a voice. I looked around then I looked down at the cart. One of the red bell peppers had a mouth with red lips and big white teeth. "It's just a prop. A fake wand. You're not really a fairy." The pepper explained patiently. I leaned down close and whispered to the Pepper, "Where is the cake mix?"

Oct. 28

Last night's dream...I was on the Eiffel tower. There was a slight breeze. I had on a sports uniform, like a basketball outfit, and these outrageously large high top tennis shoes…the kind that cost an arm and a leg and have pumps in them and lights that flicker when you walk and mine even played little tunes when I jumped up and down. I found this out because as I was standing on the Eiffel Tower there was suddenly a bug, a very big and slimy bug, and I jumped up and down to get out of its way as it traversed the walkway. It had a little camera around its neck and I thought, “Oh, just another tourist…like me.” I decided to climb out on to a parapet that suddenly appeared…”I can get a really good shot from there!” I thought. Meaning a photograph. I climbed out and all of Paris spread below me! It was glorious and after I took the picture I decided to fly around a bit. I pumped up the shoes and after pumping for a really long time little wings began to appear on either side of each shoe. “Groovy.” I sighed. Once the wings were of a size that I figured could hold me I leapt off the parapet and went for a little flight around Paris. It was a little chilly, but other than that, it pretty much rocked.
I got thirsty so I did a little somersault kind of thing to get to my shoes so that I could pump them down enough to land. Once I was on the ground again I strolled around until I found a quaint little café on the outskirts of what appeared to be the seedy side of town. I ordered an espresso and it came in a little tiny cup shaped like a trophy. As I raised it to my lips I realized it was a little miniature trophy. There was writing on the side of the trophy but it was too small to see. Luckily there was an antique store next door to the café and I got up and strolled over with my cup, popped inside, and asked , in broken French, if I might borrow a magnifying glass for a short time. The old guy was mean and crusty about it but once I explained that I was Canadian and not American he came across with the magnifying glass. I held it up to the trophy and read, “Congratulations! You’ve arrived.”

Oct. 21

Last night's dream...I dreamt that I was walking down a street and balloons were floating down all around me. The sky was a perfect crystal blue and the balloons were yellow, red, green, blue, purple, and pink. All the balloons had faces painted on them with black magic marker. Some of the faces were smiling and some had little round "o" mouths like they were surprised. The balloons would float towards the ground and then suddenly be bouyed by a wind I couldn't see or feel. Then they'd go up again and swirl around and come back down toward the ground. Up and down. I bought an ice cream and sat on a park bench and watched the balloons. An old woman came and sat down next to me. She had an ice cream too. We smiled at each other and then I said, "Boy, these balloons are really something else huh?" And the old lady smiled and said, "Yes, I watch them every day." and I said, "I wonder who paints the faces on them." and the old lady said, "Oh, the priests do that. So that their souls can go to heaven." The old lady vanished and I was alone again on the park bench watching the balloons float around, eating my ice cream and counting the faces with the O's.

Oct. 18

Last night I dreamt that I was wearing a talking sombrero. It was questioning my integrity and hinting that I may not weigh as much as I said I weighed on my driver's license. Then it laughed and sang.

Oct. 17

Last night's dream...The Cheese sisters were on another road trip. They were driving a 1961 black Cadillac with the awesome fins. A small disco ball dangled from the rear view mirror. The sun was at just the right angle to cast discs of light on both sisters. Jack Cheddar was driving, Gouda was attempting to navigate but the only map was for Las Vegas and they weren't really in Las Vegas...they weren't sure where they were. They came upon a four way stop. Jack Cheddar stopped. The car idled. The sisters looked to the right, they looked straight ahead, they looked to the left. They looked straight ahead again. The car idled. Gouda got out of the car and opened the trunk. She took a hunk of Jarlsberg and a beer out of the cooler, she got back into the car, cracked the beer and took a long draw. She nibbled on the Jarlsberg and handed a little chunk to Jack Cheddar. Jack gnawed at the cheese and looked around. Then she opened the glove box and took out the Giant Tarot deck. She hummed as she shuffled and then she got out of the car and laid out a 10 card spread on the hood of the Caddy. The engine hummed under the cards. Gouda drank more of the beer and started to say something but stopped. She got out and looked at the Tarot spread. "Hey...all major arcana...you did that last time too..." Gouda said. Then she knocked back the last of the beer walked over to the side of the road and lay face down, spread eagle, on the ground. Jack Cheddar hummed. "More cheese!" Jack called to Gouda. Gouda got up, went to the trunk and retrieved a block of Havarti. They got back in the car. Gouda shared the cheese. "Havarti?" Jack verified. "The cards indicate a turn to the right is required." "Okay." replied Gouda. "I was thinking to turn right anyway, when we drove up to the stop sign." "Okay." replied Gouda. "Right should be right, know what I mean?" "Okay." replied Gouda. Jack Cheddar chewed more Havarti. "Okay." Gouda nodded with finality. Jack Cheddar put the car into gear, flicked the turn signal and turned left. "Okay." Gouda sighed. "You want to hear some music?" Jack asked. "Okay." replied Gouda. Jack rolled down the power windows and slammed on the gas.

Oct. 16

Last night's dream...I dreamt I was wearing a hat. It looked like a 1940's type hat--cylindrical with a pinched in middle, a little something that could have been netting attached here and there. It doesn't matter what else I had on, but for the sake of accuracy--I had on a short sleeve black cashmere sweater and a black wool pencil skirt, black flats, probably Clark's.
I was walking down the street and when I got to the end of the town the hat wiggled a bit and crawled down the front of my sweater and leapt to the ground. It was a huge black spider. I opened my purse and took out a little saddle. I attached the saddle to the spider and though I had to pull my legs up to my chin, was able to hop on and ride out of town. At first we strolled...then I decided to give the little "clck, clck" sound that you give a horse and the spider went a little faster. I was digging this so I said, "Giddyup" and the spider went into a little trot. It was so great that with wild abandon I dug my spurs (now I had on black cowboy boots with spurs) into the side of the spider and yelled, "Heeyaw!" and that spider hit 90 if he was a day! I know this because I looked down and there was a little dashboard on the spider and the speedometer read "90". We were flying! It was a hoot! Eventually the spider slowed...due to the fact that there was a 25 mph sign by the side of the road indicating that we were coming into town. When we got a few blocks in the spider stopped, I hopped off, and the spider crawled back up me and settled onto my head, once again a fashionable hat. I walked a few blocks until I came to a bar. I went inside. On the one side of the bar was a beauty parlor set up. All the technicians were in pink smocks. There was a cowboy getting a blowdry in station 3 and another cowboy drinking a beer under a big beehive hairdryer. He was reading "Humor In Uniform" from a Reader's Digest and laughing his ass off. I went over to the bar and ordered a festive vodka infused drink. There was a cowboy at the bar looking really, really angry. Spit foaming at the corner of his mouth, muttering to himself. I asked the bartender, "What's up with him?" "Perm didn't take." was his repy. Suddenly Angry Cowboy pulls out his 6 shooter and shoots the technician in station 1. The music stops playing, everyone is silent. The door squeaks open and it's the dark haired main character from Hawaii 5-O. Angry Cowboy stands up and blurts, "It was me! I shot her. But it was self defense." The crowd begins to murmur and shake their heads in support. Hawaii 5-O guy says, "Get that body out of here!" and sits at the bar. He orders a whiskey sour. The music begins again, this time it is "Tiny Bubbles" with Don Ho. Now the beauty parlor technicians all have on leis and most of the cowboys have on grass hula skirts. I order another festive vodka drink and sip it slowly, looking around for some clue as to where I might really be. An old rugged cowboy walks up to me and says menacingly, "Nice hat!" The music stops, the blowdryers stop, the bar is silent. I touch the corner of the spider/hat gingerly and reply, "Well, thank you...it was my Mother's." Everyone gasps. "Like HELL!" the old rugged cowboy screams, "That was MY hat!" and he lurches towards me trying to grab the spider/hat from my head! Suddenly I have two guns in my hands and they are pointing at the old rugged cowboy and at the Hawaii 5-O guy and I say really slowly and really low, "Look, I don't want no trouble. I want to finish my festive vodka drink and then I want to walk out of here. You reach for my hat again and I'm going to..." "No need for all this drama!" says a voice and I turn to see Brad Pitt entering the bar followed by all his kids. Each of the kids has on a spider/hat. My spider/hat goes crazy and attacks all Brad Pitt's kid's spider/hats. My spider/hat is victorious. All the Brad Pitt kids are crying and Brad looks stunned. I murmur, "Amateur..." as I walk to the door. I take one last look at the bar, the hula skirts are laying around on the floor, the beauty parlor is dark and silent, all the cowboys are sipping their beers and examining their fingernails. Brad Pitt and his kids just stand there waiting for adoration, the Hawaii 5-O guy is crying into his whiskey sour. The piano player is playing the theme from Jaws. I walk about a block and the spider/hat jumps down. I take out the little saddle, put it on, and hop on. We ride off into the orange juice and cranberry sunset.

Oct. 15

Last night's dream...I was walking down a dark narrow street and started looking in shop windows. Each window displayed a sign saying, "WELCOME TO PRAGUE!" And I kept thinking, "Where am I?"

October 14th 2007

Weird dream last night...dreamt I was in a barrel going over Niagra Falls. (People have actually done this...some died in the attempt but I'm pretty sure at least one guy did it and lived...I'll have to do an MSN Search on this later to verify) anyway, I'm going over the Falls and I have on a pink dress with bows and a really full tutu-like skirt. The skirt keeps catching on little nails that are in the barrel and I am really panicked about tearing the dress because I've borrowed it from my friend Gouda. I'm tenderly unsnagging the dress from the nails when I notice that my shoes are on the wrong feet. I make a valiant attempt to switch the shoes to the right feet. At this point I have left the relatively calm floating part of the trip and hit some rapids just before the big fall over the Falls themselves. So the barrel is going end over end and I'm inside working on the left shoe and finally it pops off and the barrel does another flip at that point and the shoe gets wedged behind my shoulder. Now I am cussing. I realize I should be experiencing the barrel over the Falls experience and not the shoe behind the shoulder experience but I also realize that if I make it down alive it will look pretty bad to the press if the barrel lid is removed and I'm in there with a shoe behind my shoulder. So I spend several minutes attempting to extract the shoe from behind my shoulder but then I realize that I should go ahead and get the right shoe onto the right foot first and that the left shoe behind the shoulder is really a handy place for the shoe to be. I get the right shoe on the right foot and then I realize that I am falling really fast and I think, "Oh! Oh! Oh! I'm going down the Falls!" And I am. I nearly have a heart attack. It's scary but fun at the same time and I'm doing something unique and daring and I'm feeling all full of myself. Finally the barrel comes to rest in the relatively calm waters at the bottom of the Falls where I have drifted over to the left and been stopped by some natural debris. I wedge the top off the barrel and pop up. My shoe goes flying out into the water and begins to bob away from me. To my chagrin I am surrounded by people in barrels. Everyone is looking a little disappointed. A little boy starts to cry and his Mother says, "That's it?!?!? We paid $5.00 for that?!?" And I realize that riding in a barrel over Niagra Falls has become a cheap tourist trick. I look down and see that I have ripped Gouda's dress.