Last night's dream 10/30/09

Last night I dreamt I was heading back to Bisbee. I was camping out as I went and it was taking a few weeks to get there. One day I was in a store and I found a little box that had other little boxes inside it. I decided to buy it. I carried it around the store and would set it down to look at other things and then pick it back up. I was very interested in one display--but now I can't remember what it was. I kept opening the box that I had decided to buy because I couldn't remember what was inside. At one point I opened it and one of the smaller boxes inside now had a dent in it. I said, "Tsk." I can't remember if I ever bought the box but the next thing I know I am outside in a field and getting ready to set up my tent. I set it up and crawl in and fall asleep. When I wake up I am laying on one of those camp blow up mattresses that is about an inch thick and about 2 feet wide. It is orange. There is no tent. I am just laying on that thing with a bath towel over me. I look around and all these hippies are waking up and crawling out of their tents. The next thing I know I am in a van, again headed for Bisbee. There is another woman in the back of the van with me and two women in the front of the van separated from us. The van stops and we all pile out and we are on the beach. I say, "What beach is this?" and Someone walking past says, "It's L.A.! Man! It's L.A.!" I open a magazine I have been carrying around. There is a contest in the magazine that is something like this...Jennifer Aniston has created a website and if you can catch her cruising her own website you win....something...I am not sure what the prize was...so I keep flipping through this magazine for clues and then I keep surfing the Internet on a computer that has magically appeared...then disappears and appears again. Now I have the magazine and am flipping around and this guy walks up and asks what I'm doing and I tell him about the contest and he obviously thinks it's the stupidest thing he's heard of. It turns out he's the husband of one of the women who was in the cab of the van. He's looking for her so that he can apologize. We walk up to a row of doors along the beach and he starts knocking turning to me and saying, "She's probably in one of these beauty parlors." He walks away from the door he has just banged on to bang on one about a half a block away. I am standing there when a woman comes to the door. I start to explain but she interrupts me to say, "They had a fight, huh?" I say, "Yeah, looks that way..." She tells me she is getting a dye job on her hair. "I'm tired of looking old..." She says. I say, "How old are you?" She replies, "95." I start to laugh..."Well, if there was any time to look old it would be at 95, wouldn't it?" Then I tell her, "You look like you are in your 60's...after the dye job they are going to start carding you again!" She likes this a lot and laughs and grabs my arm.

Last night's dream 10/26/09

Last night I dreamt that Rosebud, Nigel and I were doing an aerobics workout DVD. Rosebud was standing on her hind legs in black sneakers that she bent down and pressed a button on and they pumped up. She picked up the cutest tiny set of black barbells and then kind of gave me the hairy eyeball. I said, "Wait for your brother..." Nigel was still struggling to put on his pink sneakers and Rosebud finally dropped her dumb bells with a litttle clunk and put his sneakers on the right feet for him and then tied them and pushed their little button to pump them up for him. He leapt to his back feet and started walking around mewing pathetically. Rosebud hissed, "They're behind the chair..." and Nigel went behind the chair and found his even more adorable little pink barbells. They both stood in front of the screen waiting for me to hit the start button. I was on the couch with a festive alcoholic beverage in my hand. We were all ready to work out.

Last night's dream 10/25/09

Last night I dreamt that a deer with an owl on it's back came into the bedroom and laid down on the bed next to the cheetah with a buzzard on it's back which was cuddled up next to a monkey with a gull on it's back. On the other side of the bed was a dolphin with a blowfish on it's back and a cow with a heron on it's back. There was a wolf with a hummingbird on it's back and an elk with a chinchilla on it's back. Rosebud and Nigel were there too. I thought, "Man, I gotta get a king size bed or this is NEVER going to work! And who the hell is snoring?!?!?"

Last night's dream 10/21/09

Last night I dreamt that I was the same size as Nigel and Rosebud. It was dinner time and I had a heck of a time opening their can of cat food but they were pretty insistant that I find a way and since I didn't have their claws and teeth, (yes!, they were prepared to use them against me), I had no choice but to use my ingenuity. Making espresso was a bitch but talk about worth it! The world's largest cup of coffee! Using the toilet was frankly kind of scary. The tub was great though, Olympic o-shympic. When it came time to play chase those cats really wore me out. Just because I was their size didn't mean I possessed their abilities. So while Nigel could leap off the top of the stairs and hurl himself through the air to the bottom, I had to take them one by one. Needless to say I got pinned to the ground quite a bit and both cats, more than once, clamped my delicate neck in their jaws. Thank goodness we all knew we were only playing. Now grooming time was another story and I had to run and jump into a cupboard when I saw those tongues coming at me. Nap time was the best! We'd form a little pig pile in the middle of the bed cozied up in a blanket and all three of us would purr and purr and purr.

Last night's dream 10/18/09

Last night I dreamt that I was eating chocolate out of a big bag. Each chocolate was the shape of something and I had to name it before I ate it or the chocolate would turn into broccoli in my mouth. Uncooked. So I was sitting there watching "The Mentalist" and saying, "Barn." and then I would eat the little chocolate barn. I had to be pretty specific. If I said, "House." and it was a barn I would get uncooked broccoli. So I had to examine each chocolate fairly closely. If it was hard to tell what it was I would say, "Shoe?" then take a little nibble at the toe area. If I was right I got chocolate, wrong, the evil broccoli. But then I had the chance to correct it "Sneaker." and get the rest of the piece in soothing chocolate. I had to pause the show several times since some of the pieces had melted a little in the Palm Springs summer night. When I had gotten three broccoli's in a row I realized that the melting had reached a critical juncture. I quickly put the bag of chocolates in the fridge, but it was too late, they were contorted to the point of unrecognizability. It was no fun the next day to sit on the couch peering and peering at a chunk of disfigured chocolate and guessing and guessing and guessing at what it might have been.

Last night's dream 10/17/09

Last night I dreamt I was shooting fish in a barrel. It was not as easy as they say.

Last night's dream 10/16/09

Last night I dreamt I was in a Gypsy's tent sitting on these cushions at a low table. There were tarot cards scattered face down all over the table. A young girl came in carrying an ornate metal tray and set it down in front of me. There was a cup of coffee and a creamer and a sugar bowl with a lid. And a small white spoon. I thanked the young girl and she moved away. I poured what must have been heavy cream, it was so thick, into the coffee and gave it a taste. It was a little bitter so I lifted the lid off the sugar bowl. Inside were tiny squarish bones. I gave a little soft "tsk". I tasted the coffee again but there was no way I could drink it as it was. I had to sweeten it. So I lifted the little white spoon and it gave off this little whistle sound. I dug into the little bowl of bones and two landed on the bowl of the spoon. I held them over the coffee wondering if this was going to improve things or make them worse. I dumped the bones into the coffee and gave them a gentle stir with the whistling spoon. I set the spoon down and tasted the coffee. It was perfect! I thought seriously about stealing some of those little bones for later. I wondered what kind of bones they were. I felt guilty for thinking of stealing them. I tasted the delicious coffee again. Before I knew it the coffee cup was empty. I waited a while just looking around. Then I began fiddling with the whistling spoon. Eventually the young girl came in and took the spoon away from me along with all the coffee stuff and the tray. I clasped my hands together and rolled my thumbs over each other over and over. I thought about my shoes. I reached for my cell phone to check the time but I didn't have it on me. Finally I gathered all the tarot cards together and shuffled them up real good. Then I thought of a question and flipped one over. It was blank. "Well, that blows." I thought and stuck it back in the deck. I shuffled again and thought of a question and turned one over. It was blank. "Oh, har de har har." I thought ticked off. I put it back in the deck and shuffled. Then I turned the cards over and rifled through them. They were all there. The last card was the blank one. I thought about setting it to the side but that didn't feel right. I turned the cards over and shuffled a few times and thought of a question and turned over a card and it was blank. Then I picked a second card and turned it over. It was blank. Then a third. Blank. I put them back in the deck and turned the entire deck over. All the cards were there, one blank at the very end. I set the deck down and turned over one card from the top. Blank. Then another and another. All blanks. So I gathered them all together and turned them back over and shuffled them a bit. Then I set them in the middle of the table and saw that one of the little bones has fallen out of the sugar bowl and was laying on the table. I put that on top of the deck. The drapes at the front of the room parted and a nervous man walked in carrying a hat in his hands. "Are you the one that can tell my future?" he asked. I shifted my eyes around the room and realized that hell yes, I was the fortune teller! I gestured for the man to sit. I took the bone off the deck and popped it into my mouth. "Shuffle." I commanded.

Last night's dream 10/9/09

Last night I dreamt that I was in the Amazon forest and I was trying to get a date with a member of this tribe chief's family. I didn't speak the language and no one spoke English so we were trying to communicate with pictures drawn in the sand. I was drawing cocktails to symbolize, "Would you like to go have a drink somewhere?" But from the tribe's reaction I could tell that my little cocktail shaker and glass and two stick figures smiling did not mean the same to them because the next thing you know I'm being trussed like a great big chicken and set up over a bed of coals. I didn't panic though. I simply did one of those little snickey sounds one does to call a horse over and my trusty steed, Marcus, came trotting over. Using his teeth he undid the ropes and then he gently grabbed my clothing in his teeth and carted me a few feet away from the fire then he set me down. I said, "Good boy, Marcus!" Jumped on his back and thundered away. I looked over my shoulder to see the tribe members all standing outside their huts waving goodbye. I thought, "Oh, what the heck!" and wheeled Marcus around. "How hard can it be to draw something we can both understand?" I mused. Later, when I was back on the grill and Marcus was being wooed with fresh fruit by a passel of half naked women I found out just how unwise my optimism could be.

Last night's dream 10/8/09

Last night I dreamt that everything was purple. I grabbed an orange out of the fruit basket, it was purple. I put on my favorite red lipstick, it was purple. I pet the cats, they were purple. The sun, the sky, the trees, everything in the house, all of me, my friends, money, food, diamonds, poop, water, cars, airplanes, dust, lollipops...everything was purple. And I thought, "Finally!"

Last night's dream 10/7/09

Last night I dreamt that I was on a tour of a dairy factory. It was highly educational and I was well-behaved until we came to the whipped cream area. We were walking past this huge vat and I was so enthralled and I don't know what happened. One minute I'm on the platform looking down into the vat as the tour guide is droning on about how it gets whipped to fluffy perfection, then the next minute I'm flinging myself off the platform and landing in the center of all that creaminess! The factory workers all came running and yelling. I had tainted the entire vat! I didn't care! I kept diving to the bottom of the vat and then opening my mouth and paddling my way to the surface like some whale gorging on plankton. I was able to carry out three dives before being apprehended and pulled out of the vat by the dairy workers. They were disgusted with me but one of them, I could tell, was just a little bit jealous! The cream was all over me, and staying pretty fluffy, as I was escorted out of the building. "Who hasn't fantasized about diving into a vat of whipped cream?!?!?!" I demanded. "Come on! Who? Who!?!?" But no one was talking to me. They were muttering and mad. They would have to swab out the entire vat and begin anew. To my delight I was driving my friend's red truck and I pleaded and begged and finally the dairy workers gave in and they dumped the tainted vat into the back of the truck. I drove home with little puffs of whipped cream flying off the truck. I drove directly to my friend's house to return the truck and discuss how to get the whipped cream into an above ground pool that I had purchased at Wal-Mart on the way home. He was thunderstruck at the whipped cream mountain in his truck. "I will hose it down. I promise I will hose it down. You'll never know it was filled with dairy..." I beseeched. He said, "Even if we shovel it into the pool very gently you are going to lose a lot of volume." "I know. I know. But we can fluff it back up with hand-held mixers, can't we?" I asked hopefully. "It's going to spoil..." Then we looked at each other and said at the same time, "CREME FRAICHE!!!" He spun around towards the house. "I'll grab the buttermilk!" he yelled as I grabbed a shovel and began to gingerly lift the whipped cream from the truck bed into the pool. "Party tonight!" I thought.

Last night's dream 10/03/09

Last night I dreamt that I was sent into the past to uncover some mystery that would help things now in the future. I had a partner with me. When we traveled into the past we were invisible to everyone there. We "beamed" in near a small lake. I peered around a boulder at the edge of the lake and there was Jackie Kennedy (I don't think she was an Onassis yet) in a little rowboat with LBJ. LBJ was leaning forward to tell Jackie something. Other people were walking around the lake and suddenly people started to see hazy outlines of my partner and me. I could tell because we started getting funny looks and people began rubbing their eyes and talking urgently with their friends. Dogs began barking and growling at us. I thought it best to try to make some kind of contact. I walked towards a young couple but they ended up walking through me. I began shouting, "We are from the future! We are in a space / time rift!" But people panicked and began running away. I looked for the small boat on the lake, but it was gone.

Last night's dream 10/02/09

Last night I dreamt I was watching "The Closer" on DVD. I was on the couch and flanked by two angels. The opening scene comes on and both angels say, "The husband's secretary..." I didn't get it at first but eventually it dawned on me...that was the killer. So as soon as I figured it out I returned to the menu and just before I started the next episode I said very nicely, "Hey you guys! Don't blurt out the killer! I want to be surprised, okay?" They both nodded and said, "Sure, sure, sure." So I started the second episode and no sooner did the opening scene start then they both yelled, "SISTER!" I paused the DVD and glared at both of them. "Oh, sorry, sorry." "Yeah, uh, sorry...." they muttered and murmured. "I'm going to go make us some popcorn and when I come back I'm going to start the third and LAST episode on this DVD...I want to watch the entire episode without knowing who the killer is unless I FIGURE IT OUT!" I paused for dramatic effect. "Do you understand?" I asked kindly. "Sure, sure, sure." They said in unison. I went out to the kitchen, made the popcorn, and returned with a giant bowl which I held and we all dug into. I looked at each one, staring into their eyes purposefully. They smiled back and gave me the "Got it!" look. I started the DVD and they both screamed, "Jealous Insurance Broker Guy!" I hung my head in defeat. I got up, took out "The Closer" DVD and shut off the TV. We sat in the dark eating popcorn.