Last night's dream 11/11/09

Last night I dreamt that I was in math class in high school. All these young kids surround me and I think, "Wow...was I like THAT when I was in high school? Surely not. I HAD to have been more mature than these kids..." Then the teacher walks in and immediately starts writing this HUGE algebra problem on the board and all the kids kind of quiet down, except for the two really giggly girls in the back who keep texting and whispering, as the rest of the class stays focused on the board and starts scratching out the problem on their lined tablets with number two pencils. I think, "Quaint!" The teacher suddenly whirls around and throws a pencil at the two girls in the back and that pencil goes right past MY head and just about takes out an EYE! I am so...insulted! I start to loudly complain and I get out, "HE...(part of "hey you stupid bastard!") but then I look at the teacher's face and realize he is the Devil and I decide not to let it bother me. "Go to your Zen place..." I gently tell myself. The Devil turns around and continues writing out this massive problem on the board after he confirms that the two girls have settled down and are focused only on algebra...although I know that one of them continues to text under her desk while she looks up at the board all innocent and concerned. The Devil FINALLY stops writing and smacks the the chalk down HARD on his desk. Then he says, "Pop quiz. You have 10 minutes to complete this problem." Then he sits down, takes out a Reader's Digest and starts reading Humor in Uniform. I think, "Oh crap!" because I haven't even been copying the problem down because after all I was in my late forties and I was both past algebra and algebra was beyond me. So I frantically start writing the problem down and the tip of my pencil snaps off and I have to go to the front of the room really close to the Devil to sharpen it on one of those really old bolted-into-place pencil sharpeners and I think fleetingly, "These pencil sharpeners are really cool...I should get one for the house..." before I realize I really, really need to FOCUS or I'm going to get an F and who knows what the consequences are! So I kind of skip/run back to my desk and really get busy copying the problem down. The Devil stands up and starts ERASING the problem! I'm like, "What the f...." and I'm looking around at the kids but they have all copied the problem down AGES ago and half of them have finished the problem and are staring out the window or trying to look at their text messages without getting caught or making pen ink tattoos on their arms. I have about a quarter of the problem copied and then poof it's gone. Gone. I think, "Panic now?" Then I think, "No...don't panic. Pretend to be cool. I'm SO NOT cool! That's okay...you are just pretending to be cool you don't actually have to BE cool. Just don't be the opposite of cool. So what? You fail the pop quiz. You are not a heroin addict. You do not have small children in some third world country sew your garments...well, you might actually without knowing. You know I really should KNOW which brands do that shit and stop buying those brands. I wonder if there is an Internet site that has a list and what if I buy it in a thrift store? Does that count? Well, yes, it WOULD count because you are still wearing that brand and..." and then the eraser hits me in the head and the Devil repeats, "The board, Night, please proceed to the board." And I realize I have been called on to complete the problem at the board. So I stroll up and while I'm walking up I am thinking, "Do I just write a bunch of crap up there and pretend I know what I'm doing or do I just turn and tell the Devil, "Hey I got nothin' here." or do I say I have to go to the bathroom and call someone from the stall like a lifeline call or do I turn and tell the old guy that I don't even CARE about algebra and I'm in my forties and what the hell...when did I ever use algebra in my real life? I own a calculator for Pete's sake!" and while all this is going on I realize I have reached the board and I'm standing there and the room is dead silent and the Devil is so close I can feel his hairy breath on my shoulder and I "tsk" and pick up the chalk and...and then I glance to my right and there's the Virgin Mary and she's wearing a baseball uniform and she's giving me a thumbs up and saying, "You can DO it!" over and over and I think, "Crap! No I CAN'T." So I just write the number seven on the board and draw a big circle around it and slam the chalk down on the Devil's desk and walk back to my desk and sit down and cross my one leg over my knee and slouch and even pull out a toothpick from somewhere and casually place it in the corner of my mouth. I look up just in time to see the Devil turn into a pile of red dust at the front of the classroom. Then the bell rings.