Last night I dreamt I was having a New Year's Eve party. I had invited so many people that I didn't have any bowls or platters to put the massive amounts of hors d'oeuvres in. So I went to the hardware store and purchased garbage cans and thought I was very cool and that it would be trendy and industrial and hip. But when I got home and put the guacamole in the galvanized can it looked totally stupid. So I had to shovel it back out and the gorgeous green color was starting to tinge with brown so I was hauling out the lemon juice and squirting it all over the place because I was getting very nervous because I still hadn't figured out my food dilemma and I still had to dress and then I was worried that no one would come and that led to examining my entire life and playing with the edges of low self-esteem while still shoveling guac out of the garbage can. "Get CONTROL!" I thought wildly, "Get some frickin' control here!" I opened a drawer and found to my relief some blow up bowls that I had forgotten all about. I blew up the biggest bowl, which was a lime green, and the guac fit in it just fine and I was nearly in tears with relief. Then I blew up another bowl and it was blue and I put in the seventeen bags of blue corn chips into that bowl and it looked marvelous! "I'm on a roll! A roll!" I chortled. The next bowl was a lovely yellow and cut up yellow peppers fit perfectly into that. A red bowl held what appeared to be a never ending supply of raspberries. I blew up the next bowl and it was white. I went up stairs to the bathroom because I had used the tub to whip the cream and I filled the white bowl with the whipped cream and placed that next to the berries. "It's aaaalllll starting to come together!" I thought and my heart rate was slowing and I was actually starting to act fairly normal again. I went up to get into my fetching cocktail dress for the party. When I opened the closet I found an entire colony of ferrets. "Oh. Hey. No ."I began and they responded by docking and clucking until they realized I was not there to welcome them warmly then they began to screech and bark in terror and excitement. "Dang it! Dang it now!" I was flummoxed.
I just stood there and then the hissing in annoyance started and once one of them got going there was no stopping the entire colony. So here I am standing in the doorway naked and there they are all over my clothes hissing and some even started waving their little fists at me. "Just what I need!" I thought, "A colony of ferrets! Tsk." I glanced at the clock and realized guests would be arriving shortly. I would have to deal with the ferrets later. And of course by then I was becoming really fond of them even though they were hissing and waving their little fists at me in anger. "They are SO DAMN CUTE!" I thought. "Where's my dress?" and then I saw that my special, perfect-for-the-party-I-actually-look-kinda-hot-in-this cocktail dress was laying in a heap on the floor and ferret babies were asleep in the folds. "Crap." "Oh my god they are so adorable!" "It's the perfect dress..." "Oh! One opened her eyes!" "I have to move them, gently, to any other dress in the world, but I have to move them off THE dress...I am not moving them. They are asleep! Oh! How cute are they?!?!" So I closed the door and the only clothes outside the closet were a plaid skirt that was a size too small and my old Microsoft t-shirt that was ripped and worn and was over 20 years old. I put those on and slammed my feet into a fabulous pair of Faryl Robin's that I found on my dresser. Nothing matched and I looked like hell except for from the ankles down. From the ankles down I killed! I went to run a comb through my hair but one look in the mirror told me I was bald. So I taped a pink bow to my forehead and waited for the doorbell to ring.
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