Last night I dreamt I was a pirate on a big old pirate ship! I had a wooden leg and a patch over one eye. On my shoulder I had a cat instead of a parrot. I went around going, "Argh! Mumble, mumble..." and I'd stride around the deck with my hands on my hips. I was thinking, "What the hell?!?!? I don't know nothin' about swabbing a deck or hoisting a sail...Will the crew KNOW?!?!" I was all in a panic inside but outside I was confident and even a little scary. I had on a whole "Dr. Hook" outfit with the frilly shirt and the vest and the pantaloons and high boots. For a good long while I walked around saying, "Pantaloons..." under my breath.
"Pantaloons...pantaloons...panta....LOONS..."
One of the crew came up to me and said, "Captain! We've spotted a ship to the East!" then he kind of cowered away from me. Obviously in the past this news brought me displeasure so I decided I'd better stick with the past and I roared, "A SHIP TO THE EAST!?!?" then I swore a lot and swung my arms around alarmingly. The mates all shrunk back away from me and I hoped everyone was convinced that I was in control. "Should we prepare the cannons?" One of the mates asked. "What is this our MAIDEN voyage?!?!" I growled. "Do your JOBS you scurvy...." and then I couldn't think of a good word and I panicked again and stormed off going, "BAH! Bunch of silly....BAH!" and I retreated to my quarters so that I could recover and figure out what to do next. It wasn't long before there was a banging on my door, "We're ready for your orders to fire, Captain!" came a voice from the other side of the door. I rolled my eyes and went out to see if there was any way I could avoid mayhem. It was pretty apparent from the looks of the other ship and the looks of my crew and the whole atmosphere that mayhem was not to be avoided. "She's loaded with gold!" said one crew member in a theatrical whisper. And another one added, "And Prada shoes. Size 6!" That's all this little captain needed to hear..."What are we waiting for boys?!?!?" I roared enthusiastically, "Take the ship! The gold is all yours mates. Just bring me those shoes!!!"
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