Last night's dream 9/5/09

Last night I dreamt that I went to a parade and at the end of the parade I realized I had to hike through a forest to get home. The sun was about to set and I just knew that there was no way I was going to make it all the way through the forest before it got dark. I was angry and embarrassed. I had on a tank top and shorts and sneakers. I worried about mosquitoes and also just the general vulnerability of the outfit in the woods in the dark. I had to tinkle too and most of the shops were closed. I figured I could tinkle in the woods but that didn't really appeal to me, not that I am not a rugged individual...but I am not a rugged individual...as much as I'd like to classify myself as one. I had no hat, nothing to cover my legs or arms, no bug repellent, no flashlight. I walk past a house and this woman motions me over. "It's your house." she says. I go inside and am so relieved that I don't have to walk through the woods although I think, "Wait a minute, this isn't Bisbee..." Once inside I am astonished by the filth! The kitchen is very strange with appliances in the middle of the room and every surface is sticky and dusty. I glance over at the refrigerator just in time to see a black widow spider crawl up under it. I look over and four more spiders are in the middle of the floor by a torn piece of paper. They are swarming the paper. I yell for help and my ex appears and he starts stomping on the spiders and I am calling over to him, "They are not all black widows! One is a tarantula!" and I'm hoping that he becomes less zealous and doesn't kill the tarantula because they are one of those "good" spiders. "Why didn't I just "man up" and take care of them myself?" I think. "Why did I have to yell for back up?" I wonder. "I didn't "man up" because there were four freakin' spiders! One being a huge freakin' tarantula! That's why I didn't "man up"..." The ex and the bugs disappear and I let out a huge sigh of relief at THAT. I turn back to the counters and start looking for some cleaning supplies because everything is really, like, disgustingly dirty. Like heebie jeebie dirty. I realize there is no sink in the kitchen. I tsk and sigh and go looking for a sink and find it in the living room next to the bird feeder. I find a bucket under the sink and start to fill it with water that comes out of the faucet Caribbean blue. I am thankful for this bit of brightness. I suddenly realize everything else is monochrome or extremely muted. Reds are maroon at best, blues are the darkest indigo, mostly it's gray and murky beige. I get the festive water in the bucket and go back into the kitchen. I find these huge sponges inside the refrigerator and some natural, good for the environment, cleaner on the table of the restaurant booth that is jammed in the corner. I begin to clean off every surface in the kitchen. It's hard work and I am sweating by the time I finish. I go around the kitchen touching all the surfaces to verify that they are free from any stickiness or residue. Then I remember I have to tinkle and I go looking for the bathroom. I find it and get myself situated and the door flies open and someone comes in dressed in a red field outfit. "I found this in the closet, the old lady helped me and I can wear this on the walk across the forest back home!" says a muffled voice through a filter in a face plate attached to a helmet. "Uh...a little PRIVACY PLEASE!" I say and motion for the red being to leave. They stay. They continue to discuss the many attributes of the red outfit while I try to do my business but I can't. After several more, "Would you just wait outside!" and "Do you MIND?!?!?" the red being steps outside with a muffled, "I'll wait right outside the door!" I still can't do anything. The moment has passed and I am uncomfortable and confused. I go outside. I ask the red being, "Well, is there another red suit for me?" The red being starts and replies, "Well, no. There's just the one suit and it fits me. It won't fit you. I mean...it would be huge on you." And I reply with frustration, "Well, are there at least long pants somewhere here for me?" and the red being points to another room and on the floor are a pair of men's khaki pants. I put them on and they are like a 44 inch waist and come up under my armpits. I start looking around for a way to secure them and realize I will have to hold them scrunched up against my body the entire walk back. I find one of those key ring flashlights. "That'll have to do..." I think even as I'm thinking, "This is INSANE!" I walk out and the old woman says, "I'm going home..." and she waits and I realize she's waiting for me and the red being to get out of the house so she can lock the doors. And I think, "I thought this was MY house..." and then it dawns on me..."Oh man! She said that so that I would clean her KITCHEN for her!" And I feel very taken advantage of and stupid for not realizing all of this much, much earlier. We all leave the house and I don't understand why but I am very thankful that it still seems to be about 4 o'clock and we'll have about 30 minutes or so before it gets dark in the woods. I turn on the little key ring flashlight and look at it's pathetic beam. I think, "Yeah, uh huh, and you should have grabbed a BUTTER KNIFE for defense too..." I look across the street at the forest and the path I'm supposed to take. The red being is already at the entrance waving to me to hurry up and follow and then they disappear down the path. I look around and in the distance I see a neon sign that makes me smile, a La Quinta!!! I hesitate for a moment to make sure I have a credit card on me and then I head down to the La Quinta. When I walk in my little Italian friend is behind the counter and she says, "El! Been waitin'. Rosebud and Nigel are in room 1313 and..." she looks behind her at the wall clock, "...it's just about time for festive alcoholic beverages on the patio!" Then she places a key on the counter and disappears through a door. I hear her voice say, "See you soon!" I run to 1313 and using the key fling the door open. On the bed are Rosebud and Nigel laying back against a pillow, each with one long lean leg sprawled out in front of them, the other tucked under their bodies. Rosebud has the clicker in her paw and they are watching AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL CYCLE 13. Rosebud says, "Hey Mom!" never taking her eyes off the screen and Nigel jumps up and runs over saying, "HI MOM! HI MOM! HI MOM!" and reaches for my inner elbow with his face so that he can suck my arm. I scoop him up and give him a hug. Then I head to the bathroom to finally tinkle.