Last night's dream 9/2/09

Last night I dreamt that I was at the grocery store and couldn't find the organic half and half. I traversed the store three times always thinking, "Oh, it must be down this aisle!" Only to find myself in the frozen pizzas or the olives. After the third time around I sat down on the floor and burst into tears. "Great!" I thought, "Just great! How in the hell am I supposed to have my coffee tomorrow morning without my organic half and half?!?!" I reached into my apron pocket for a Kleenex and could only find a pathetic ball of old tissue that had past it's usefulness. "Yeah, past it's usefulness...just like ME!" I sobbed to myself and headed down the Kleenex aisle, I grabbed a box off the shelf, tore the top off and proceeded to blatantly use unpurchased Kleenex to staunch the god-awful flow of sadness coming from my nose and eyes. I slid back down to the floor. "It's over..." I thought morosely. "All over...No organic half and half...no organic coffee for breakfast...no coffee...no energy...no energy...the litter box doesn't get cleaned...the litter box doesn't get cleaned Rosebud inappropriately urinates...Rosebud inappropriately urinates I fall into a deeper depression...I fall into a deeper depression I forget to bathe regularly...I forget to bathe regularly I start to smell...I start to smell people stop inviting me over for dinners and conversation...dinners and conversation stop and I am forced to rely on my 'self talk'....forced to rely on my 'self talk' I become more paranoid and start to question why the cats are looking at me 'that way'...i worry about the cat's looking at me 'that way'..." My worry spiral is interrupted by my inability to yank another Kleenex out of the box. I look down to find that there is something jammed into the box. I pull it out. It's a coupon for 1/2 off organic half and half. This brings a fresh outburst as I realize that not only is life futile and the Universe an uncaring blob but it toys with us. It makes fun of us in our weakest, most pathetic hour. "Not this time!" I roar (inside my head). I tear up the coupon furiously and jam it back into the Kleenex box. I stand up on my little shaky pathetic legs and put the Kleenex box in the cart. I go to the front of the store to pay for my Kleenex and go home for more sulking and possibly to whip up some cake mix which I will then eat, uncooked, like some evil soup of the devil which will make me quite nauseated and somehow that will make me feel justified for my poor behavior. When I get to the front of the store there is a cow behind the counter. I hold up the Kleenex box and say, "Just this..." The cow says, "That's been opened." I reach across, grab the cow by the throat and hiss, "Just the box of Kleenex which YES is opened because I was having a FIT and needed to do something about the huge amount of...and I hate this word and I hate you for making me say it you stupid COW...I needed something to catch the huge amount of SNOT (and here I cringe and involuntarily squirm and nearly gag) coming out of me! So...YES...it's opened. Ring me up." And I released the cow's throat and kind of set her back down near the cash register. She is visibly shaken. I start to feel bad but then I remember what a pathetic, incoherent mess I am about to be when I get home and so I brush off the guilt and dig in my apron pocket for the money to pay for the Kleenex. The cow says, "A dollar forty nine...please..." and waits. I put the money on the counter with vengeance because I know she will have a hard time scooping it into her hoof and wait for her to bag the Kleenex wondering if she will remember to ask "Paper or Plastic?" and thinking of awful retorts I can say when she does! She put the Kleenex in my apple green shopping bag (I'm flummoxed...did I bring that in with me?) and before I can grab it and run she deposits a pint of organic half and half into the bag as well. I gasp and lean back against the gum and candy bar display nearly toppling it. She smiles and explains brightly, "We are running a promotion on organic half and half today...that's why all the cashiers are cows!" I slide the apple green shopping bag off the counter and head to the car. My plans for despondency and trip to the abyss thwarted by an in-store special.